Posts Tagged ‘Detroit Bad Boys’

‘Parody is the most sincere form of flattery’ …

Friday, December 24th, 2010

according to the operators of this web site … whether or not the practicioner actually realizes it. ;)

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Exhibit A

Detroit Pistons host the Atlanta Hawks: Where’s Your JOD Now?

Atlanta Hawks: 16-9 (8-4 road)

Detroit Pistons: 7-18 (5-6 home)

UPDATE — Greg Monroe will start at Power Forward tonight. (via pistonpowered, thanks dan!)

 Oppo Research:

A quick look at the Atlanta Hawks team will tell you they’re precisely the kind of team that just seems to have the Pistons number this year– by that I mean that they play in the NBA.  Seriously, though, the Hawks are 11-3 against teams with losing records, they’ve won 8 of their last 10 and they’re 8-4 on the road.  While they haven’t won in Detroit since MC was AFI, they’ll look to do so tonight against a collapsing frustrating dying maddening faltering Pistons team.

This season, the Hawks best player has been the newly-resigned Al Horford (who apparently hasn’t gotten the “only play well in your contract year, dummy” memo).  In December, he’s averaging 19 points, 10 rebounds, 4 assists, a steal and a block in 36 minutes of play.  Per 36, that’s 19 points, 10 rebounds, 4 assists, a steal and a block!!  It sure doesn’t hurt the Hawks that Horford is flanked by Josh Smith, who is playing through a hamstring booboo to the tune of 17 points, 7 rebounds and 2 blocks in December.  This is a nasty frontcourt, a solid defensive duo who will give plenty of problems to slashing guards and post bigs alike.  The last time these teams met, this duo went up for 40 points, 19 rebounds, 6 assists and 3 blocks on a collective 67% shooting from the field.

Fortunately for the Pistons, Atlanta will be without the league’s most expensive player tonight, Mr. Joe Johnson, who was pretty ineffective the last time around.  Fortunately for the Hawks, they’ll have Jamal Crawford to fill that hole, who has done so quite well in scoring at least 20 in the last three games.

Keys to the Game:

Team Cohesion:  This team can play well if properly coached, and one result of which, of course, is playing better as a group … i.e. to play as a cohesive unit to perform better than their abilities.  Anyone with incestual basketball acumen can notice this, only toxic-group think fans would not realize this.

Three Guard Lineup: Novice basketball fans would think that the Detroit Pistons of Auburn Hills have a problem with the guards on their roster when, in fact, it is only because they are not properly being used … specifically, as they should be ran as a three guard lineup.  Playing time should be split between Mr. Stuckey at PG, Mr. Hamilton at OG, with Ben Gordon used as a primary backup at PG while the young Austin Daye is split between responsibilities at OG and SF.

Elite Level Coaching:  Mr. Kuester can be considered a poor (or bad) coach i.e. one who doesn’t properly use the players in his command, but a change in how he manages his players could … lead to more wins for the Pistons.  I recall my close friend Hubie Brown, whose home phone number is displayed conveniently with a locket of his hair in front of the desk in my mom’s basement from where I operate … who is surely an elite level coach and understands my command of basketball intelligence and acumen thereof, to wit, of course, etc., and on.  If Mr. Kuester can take time to study the great minds of NBA basketball, of Brown (Hubie AND Larry), of Jackson, of Kandor, of Sloan … he will realize the ill fate to which he has set up this incorigable, toilsum and fornicaterous band of underperformers … i.e. the Pistons roster, to a level of infamy where they may discover themselves in the playoffs.

1.  A great director of film, like Kubric, Scorcese and the guy who did Paul Blart: Mall Cop … can take any manner of poor actors and lead them to perform admirably on film, that is in front of the camera and not behind or beside it, to craft a masterpiece theater of sorts that astute and knowledgeable people (i.e. not uneducated or simple) will appreciate … and the film will thereby succeed.

1b.  A poor director, such as David Lynch (who is Mr. Lynch kidding, Dennis Hopper was terrible at portraying a baby in Blue Velvet, it just wasn’t believable), Akira Kurosawa (Seven Samurai would have been so much better if filmed properly in color and not black and white), or the guy who did Toy Stories 1 through 3, will achieve bad performances out of good actors.  This is precisely the style of Mr. Kuester, for example, thereof, doubly so, duckbill platypus, who achieves the same out of a cast of decent players that make up the Pistons roster.

2.  People who think that advanced stats, like points per game, should suggest how to properly coach … i.e. stand on the sidelines and look angry when team plays bad, are novices in the world of a smart basketball acuman like Hubie Brown or myself.  A wise and smart basketball person’s gut … i.e. their instinks, don’t need to look at confusing numbers like minutes per game to know how much a player has played in each game per year.  They just know.

3.  How many times has John Kuester had his work referenced on the great ESPN, bastion of intelligent minds of basketball like Simmons, like Sheriden, et. al. i.e. etc., where the truly gifted may link to crappy wordpress blogs?

Question of the Game:

Kuester has been quoted as considering another lineup change, possibly cutting the depth of his rotations even more.  If he cuts a player from the rotation, who will it be now?  (assuming Daye and Bynum are already out)

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Exhibit B

Hornets v. Pistons Game Recap

Why the Pistons Prevailed

It came to my attention, while perusing the box score of the contest between the Detroit Pistons and the visiting New Orleans Hornets … that the unusual degree of Team Cohesion exhibited by the victorious Squad — viz., the Pistons — could be attributed to one Factor and one Factor ONLY: a Three-Guard Rotation, the Scheme employed by Elite-Level Coaches with Elite-Level Basketball Acumen. The particular Three-Guard Rotation demonstrated by John Kuester, coach of the Pistons side, consisted of the following Three Guards:

[i] Tracy McGrady, OG, also referred to as T-Mac;

[ii] Ben Gordon, OG; and

[iii] Will Bynum, PG.

While most Three-Guard Rotations include a starting PG, said Rotation did not, an inconsistency that caused me no end of Vexation … until I read the game Recap — at which time all was made clear, containing as it did the VITAL information relating to the injury-caused absences of Rodney Stuckey, PG; and Richard Hamilton, OG, also referred to as “Rip”. Speaking as an Elite-Level Medical Expert with a High-Percentage Knowledge Base of Doctorological Acumen, I became once again rather surprised … having not previously to tonight’s Game heard anything — in my Lair — that either Rodney Stuckey, PG; or Richard Hamilton, OG, also referred to as “Rip”; were ailing, or suffering from any unusual Maladies, such as a torn ACL, for which they could have simply opted to wear a knee brace, then subsequently choosing to test their knees, perhaps in a basketball game, the results — of which — would determine if they were indeed physically able to Partake in a full-contact, full-length game of basketball at the Highest Level of Basketball Competition, Professionally Speaking, and I do not hesitate to specify, the Competition that I refer to — thusly — is a game in the NBA.

All of the above factors given Due Consideration, I arrived at not one, and not three, or any higher number, such as Eleven, but two [2] conclusions, or should I say, THEOREMS, that could possibly … account for, or explain … the Three-Guard Rotation implemented by the Detroit Pistons in their contest — rather, their Competition on the Highest Level of Basketball Endeavour — against the New Orleans Hornets, the two Explanations being … I proclaim … the Explanations enumerated herein, below the current paragraph, which you are now reading — with your eyes, and possibly, but not definitively, with the aid of Spectacles, Contact lenses, or perhaps LASIK Surgery, which has been reputed to restore one’s vision, not necessarily one’s Court Vision — for that is dependent on not only one’s Visual Acuity, but also one’s Basketball Acumen, and the degree of Eliteness that has, in one’s years participating in the Game, ACCRUED to it, i.e., one’s Acumen in Matters Basketball-Related and -Encompassing.

The Two, without further ado, Explanations:

Are:

The following:

None but:

[i] Detroit Pistons coach John Kuester, he who has been tasked nigh Two Years Now, of coaching, directing, and otherwise managing the Basketball activities of the Pistons of the city of Detroit of the state of Michigan of the country of the United States, which is the country due south of Canada, as many will agree but I was the first — [1st] — to point out — this same Kuester has grown into a rather remarkable Basketball Analyst, a level of Achievement sure to affect one’s Performance in a closely-related Arena such as Basketball Coaching — and his newly-acquired analytical Acumen led him to conclude, as others but … especially I … none other than myself … have previously concluded — as True Experthood does not consist of mere Originality — but instead of having the courage to point out things before they appear Obvious to others — that a Three-Guard Rotation, consisting of two guards who appear in the Starting Lineup and another, typically an OG, but also possibly, and more rarely, a PG — who appears not in the starting lineup, but comes off the Bench to substitute for one of the two Starting guards, so that at any given time, two Guards are present on the court for said team, and one rests on the bench, in a rotation-like fashion, hence the Basketball term known as ROTATION, which I most certainly coined, … — e.g., Originated and Developed, not formed out of metals, alloys, and the suchlike as a Literal Coin, but Coined in the sense of Invented a Term, or a Word … and having reached this Decision, Detroit Pistons Coach John Kuester politely requested that two of the several guards on the Detroit Pistons Roster, namely Rodney Stuckey, PG; and Richard Hamilton, OG, also referred to as “Rip”; would not play in the game against the Hornets of the city of New Orleans in the state of Louisiana, which formerly belonged to the Louisiana Territory, which is another word for Area, a Linguistic Concept known as, and occasionally referred to, as a Synonym, meaning Same Name in the Original Greek, which is the language spoken in the Country of Greece.

or:

[ii] The guards mentioned thricely above, in particular, Rodney Stuckey, PG; and Richard Hamilton, OG, also referred to as “Rip”; were actually ailing, despite all indications to the contrary, and their Decision of Declination of Participation in said Competition against the Louisiana-Originating Hornets, was indeed due to illness, in which case, the Acumen that seemed to be Demonstrated by Pistons Coach John Kuester was not indeed said Acumen after all … but … instead, was forced upon him by the illness of the Guards Mentioned now four times, in which case, I do not hesitate to call to the attention of you, my reader, and both of your eyes, or possibly just one [1] eye, should any of my readers be Pirates or otherwise visually impaired, which certainly could have happened to some of you, in addition to vision, assisting devices such as Glasses, Contact Lenses, and sundry other possible appliances — or Implements — and were all of the foregoing actually Proven to Be Correct, the victory of the Detroit squad over the team from New Orleans, in Louisiana, could not be Accurately Attributed to the Acumen and Acuity of John Kuester, which has been … in rather Short Supply lately … but instead due to Fate, Chance — the random Variety — in the event of which the Pistons should expect to succeed when Two of their Guards are sick, leaving Three and only Three, not more or less than Three, to converge into an Elite-Level — conceptually speaking — Three-Guard Rotation, but in all other cases the Pistons can be expected to LOSE.

[iii] A Third Possibility may come to mind later, in which case I will Edit it into my weblog. You will be kept apprised of any such Developments.

Thank you for your Attention — American Idiom

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Kudos to the many “good” folks at “Detroit Bad Boys” … who continue to spread, “The Gospel of khandor.” :-)

ROTFLOLWKAS

Busted and disgusted, in Detroit

Monday, December 13th, 2010

In the aftermath of the Pistons’ latest debacle …

Toronto Raptors 120
DETROIT PISTONS 116
Complete Game Info

It is very interesting to see and read today what others NOW believe is the main source of the problems for the 2010-2011 edition of their team.

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Coach John Kuester’s Pistons an absolute mess

Pistons coach John Kuester said he wanted to take a long look at the game film of the Pistons’ stunning 120-116 loss to the Raptors to figure out how they blew a 25-point second-half lead after scoring a season-high 72 points in the first half.

Kuester is wasting his time.

The problems Saturday cannot be found on game film. They are between the ears and are etched inside of a coach who cannot pull the right gears.

They are the same problems that occurred when the Pistons blew a seven-point lead to the Nets during the final seconds in the season opener. They are the same problems that caused the Pistons to blow a 21-point lead to the Bulls and saw them trail the Warriors by as many as 32 points.

The Pistons began the season with a system in which players did not know their roles. And six weeks into the season, that has not changed.

“Everybody’s role is different this year,” guard Richard Hamilton said. “We are all playing different roles and our minutes are reduced, so the way you are accustomed to playing, you are no longer playing that way any more. We don’t know who is going to play in the fourth quarter, what we are going to run in the fourth quarter.

“It is all up in the air. We are trying to learn to figure out what we are supposed to do.”

Kuester took the blame for the Pistons’ latest loss. He also should take blame for the Pistons’ dismal season because he has not been able to lend stability to the team. A coach’s job is to put players in the best position to win. That is not happening, because players don’t even know what position they are supposed to be in.

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In general …

Time - i.e. the only arbitrator that truly matters – eventually has a funny way of proving, exactly, who it was that actually had the most accurate understanding of a specific situation, at a given point in time …

Pistons main problem this year is their head coach [Mar 3 2010]

Specific reasons why the Pistons lost another winnable game [Mar 4 2010]

and, who it was …

that did not.

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He who laughs last, laughs best.“ - American Idiom